You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
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