True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
