Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
