I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize