We named our party play list daddy issues
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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