At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
