Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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