Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize