this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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