I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
