We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
