listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
