dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
