i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
