I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
