sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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