wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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