It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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