Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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