Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
