Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do vagina's smell?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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