I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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