he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
