So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
