I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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