my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
