we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
