i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
