How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
