you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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