Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
