There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
