So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
