Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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