Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize