whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize