She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
