is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
