I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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