I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
