I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
