all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
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