i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Found the puke drawer
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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