Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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