this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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