Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
