eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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