I want to have your abortion
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
