We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
