is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize