You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
