Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
