And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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