drinking out of a sandbucket again
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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