happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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