im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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