Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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