Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i think my mom watched the whole time
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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