I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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