I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
