Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize