my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize