I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
