I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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