Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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