i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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