Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
